EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
by DetRoid434
Summary: Different people from history face off in a rap battle
1. John Lennon Vs Bill O' Reilly

**Epic Rap Battles Of History!**

**John Lennon **

**vs **

**Bill O' Reilly**

**BEGIN!**

**John Lennon said, **  
"Help, you're making my ears bleed you need a muzzle  
Why are you pissed off all the time? Didn't your mom give you a cuddle?  
You're the type of guy who could die of a heart attack just in the shower  
You need to chill out for a minute and smoke weed for an hour  
Every time I watch your show, all you do is scream at me and your face looks like a shit I took high on LSD  
I'm John Lennon, I'm a legend I can see through all your tricks  
I wonder how much George Bush paid you to suck his dick."

**Bill O' Reilly replied,**  
"You f****** long hair, living in your yellow submarine. Well, you're about to get sunk, by the right wing, political machine!  
Stop your presses Lennon, you call me MR. Bill O'Reilly  
When it comes to squashing Limeys I come recommended highly!  
You're weak, between you and me there's no comparison  
I'll beat you so bad you'll weep gently like George Harrison  
You're Paul McCartney's *****, with less talent than Ringo  
And I'd rather suck George Bush's dick, then Yoko Ono's."

**John Lennon spoke,**  
"Well you can't buy me love, but I'll kick your *** for free  
I'll take Maxwell's silver hammer, and give you a lobotomy  
I'm tired of how you scheme to stir the people up,  
Why don't you just take a vacation and SHUT THE **** UP?"

**Bill O'Reilly replied angry,**  
"Because I'm evil, heart blacker than Don Cheadle,  
Ten thousand dollar shoes I use to stomp out a Beatle.  
Don't tell me to shut the **** up, that's how I survive,  
Now here's Sting, what? **** it, we'll do it live!"

**Who Won!**

**Who's Next!**

**YOU DECIDE!**


	2. Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader

**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY**

**Adolf Hitler**

**Vs**

**DARTH VADER**

**BEGIN!**

**Adolf Hitler said,  
"I am Adolf Hitler  
Commander of the Third Reich  
Little known fact: Also dope on the mic!  
You are Vader,  
with your little boots and cape,  
and helmet to cover up that burnt *** face!  
You have the force to move objects,  
I am a force truly evil!  
even went back in time  
and turned you whack in the prequel!  
Cause look at you!  
You're not even a real person!  
I preferred you in Spaceballs  
the Rick Moranis version!"**

**Darth Vader replied,**  
**"You can't rhyme against the dark side of the force Why even bother?**  
**So many dudes been with your mom who even knows if I'm your father?**  
**You're a pissed off little prick**  
**with a Napoleon dick.**  
**You call that a mustache?**  
**I call that Dirty Sanchez on your lip.**  
**You *****!**  
**Let me remind you who you're messing with.**  
**Everything that you did I'm the mother***** who invented it.**  
**I'm the original Dark Lord You're like the sorcerer's apprentice,**  
**My stormtroopers make yours look like someone took a piece of shit and cloned it."**

**Adolf Hitler said,**  
**"You stink Vader your style smells something sour.**  
**You need to wash up dawg Here, step in my shower.**  
**I'll turn all your friends against you ust my speeches breed haters!**  
**What's your lightsaber VS a clan of all your white neighbors?"**

**Darth Vader replied,**  
**"Suck my robot balls.**  
**Now take a step back and let me freeze yours off.**  
**A little Carbonite bath for your goose stepping *****  
**We'll call my homeboy in Israel**  
**See who got the last laugh."**

**WHO WON!**

**WHO'S NEXT!**

**YOU DECIDE!**


	3. Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris

**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!**

**ABE LINCOLN!**

**VS**

**CHUCK NORRIS!**

**BEGIN!**

**Abraham Lincoln said,  
"Four score and 65 years in the past  
I won the Civil War with my beard  
Now I'm here to whup your ***  
I've read up on your facts  
You cure cancer with your tears?  
Well, tell me Chuck how come you never sat down and cried on your career?  
You're a washed up has been on TV selling Total Gyms  
And you're gonna lose this battle  
Like you lost Return of the Dragon  
I'll rip your chest hairs out  
Put em' in my mouth  
I'll squash you like I squashed the South  
I never told a lie  
And I won't start now  
You're a horse with a limp  
I'll put you down."**

Chuck Norris replied,  
"This isn't Gettysburg, punk  
I'd suggest retreating  
For I invented rap music  
When my heart started beating  
Chuck Norris doesn't battle  
He just allow you to lose  
My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth"

Abraham Lincoln said,  
"I've got my face on the side of a mountain  
You voted for John McCain  
I've got a bucket full of my head and I'm about to make it rain  
You block bullets with your beard?  
I catch em' with my skull  
I'd make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger but I've never ever seen that show"

Chuck Norris replied furieous,  
"I am Chuck F****** Norris!  
I've spread more blood and gore  
Than forty score of your puny Civil Wars, *****  
I split the Union with a roundhouse kick  
I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick  
I attack sharks when I smell them bleed  
I don't go swimming  
Water just wants to be around me  
My fists make the speed of light  
Make the speed of light wish that it was faster  
You may have freed the slaves  
But Chuck is everyone's master"

**WHO WON!**

**WHO'S NEXT!**

**YOU DECIDE!**


	4. Newflash

If you don't watch the epic rap battles of history on Youtube than I will never upload the next chapter til you do? Til Next time. Chao.


	5. Special Rap Battle 1

**EPIC BATTLE OF HISTORY**

**DETROID434!**

**Vs**

**Peter Griffin!**

**BEGIN!**

**DetRoid434 said, "I'm about to beat you from all directions. My raps are coming my reaction. Your a fat man that has no hope to win this battle. Just give it up and go home and forget this funky Lattle."**

**Peter replied, "Your calling me fat when your the main fat one of us who doesn't listen. You have no kids that needs to Cisten. I'm fresh and your lame. I would say that you are a dame, To Life that is. I'm ot the one to give up. I fought a big chicken and surivived like 6 times against him."**

**DetRoid said, "I'm not scared to the likes of you. Loius called. She said that she's dating me. You if make me angry than you will get stung by bee. I'm going to bring the boms to this battle so give up fat man. I have your whole family on my side and they will a big ban."**

**Peter replied, "Your getting a little to crazy. I got Jesus on my side and he will beat you like a rag doll."**

***Jeus killed me.***

**Narrater said, "Who will take his place."**

***Naomi steped in.***

**Naomi replied, "Your a fatty than has no rap lines. My raps will come down from the batty belines. Your face won't like it when it's introduced to my fists. Your on my number one enemy list. This rap is coming to an end."**

**WHO WON!**

**WHO'S NEXT!**

**YOU DECIDE!**

**EEEEEEEEEPIC RAP...BATTLES OF HISTORY!**

**I do not own Peter Griffin. Naomi belongs to Sakuraphoenix and I own my OC.**


	6. Justin Vs Beethoven

**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! **

**JUSTIN BIEBER!**

**VS**

**BEETHOVEN!**

**BEGIN!**

**Justin Bieber said,  
"Look what the cat dragged back from the dead  
Man it looks like Chewbacca wiped his ass on your head  
I'm the next the next Michael Jackson,  
You smell like Betty White,  
here's some aspirin, you're catching Bieber fever tonight  
Because my voice is incredible And your music is terrible  
Who even listens to Classical anyway?  
Even Elise wants to do me, and now that you're right next to me  
I can understand why they used a dog to play you in the movies"**

Ludwig Van Beethoven replied,  
"Sit down, son And let me give you a music lesson  
Ask Bach, I got more cock than Smith and Wesson  
Never say Never? You'll never be forgetting  
I've crafted masterpieces hat will last throughout the ages  
Your music gets you bitches on your Facebook pages  
I'm committing verbal murder in the major third degree My name is Beethoven mother fucker  
Maybe you've heard of me  
Not the Saint Bernard Version I'm the real O.G. You wanna trade blows? You can't even hit puberty!"

Justin Bieber said,  
"I got Kim Kardashian in my bed backstage  
When's the last time your music got anybody laid?  
I've got a concert in five, so there's not much time left (heh heh)  
What else can I say? Your own music made you deaf"

Ludwig Van Beethoven replied,  
"I would smack you but in Germany we don't hit little girls  
And I'm glad I'm deaf So I can't hear that piece of shit "My World"  
There's a crowd of millions waiting to hear my symphonies  
You wanna be a little white Usher? Here, show them their seats"


	7. Napoleon Dynamite vs Napoleon Bonaparte

**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY**

******Napoleon!**

**Vs**

**Napoleon!**

**BEGIN!**

**Napoleon Dynamite said,  
G"osh, I can't believe how much of a little ***** you are.  
When it comes to world leaders, you like literally lowered the bar.  
I'll rip your bones apart, Bonaparte. Turn your horse into glue.  
Welcome to the battle of Waterloo, part two.  
I got skills. I'll put you in a half Horatio Nelson.  
You're the ugliest thing that's ever failed in Russia since Boris Yeltsin.  
You can keep your french fries, I got tater tots you gnome.  
Why don't you crawl back in your little shell and escargot the heck home?"**

**Napoleon Bonaparte replied,**  
**"How dare you address moi you adolescent worm.**  
**I am French. You are a buck tooth nerd with a perm.**  
**I spit at you harder than Tina the Llama.**  
**Smacking your face till your lips swell up like Lafawnduh's.**  
**Doodle up some friends, you gangly freak show.**  
**Before I toss you over the mountain like the dreams of Uncle Rico.**  
**This bastards about to see how bad a battle can be.**  
**After this your buddy Pedro will be voting for me."**

**Napoleon Dynamite said,**  
**"Why don't you freaking exile yourself on your little island and hide?**  
**Cause this is a rap roller-coaster, You're not even tall enough to ride.**  
**Ugh, I don't even care how many, like, stupid Prussians you've killed.**  
**'Cause to me you're just the emperor of the lollipop guild."**

**Napoleon Bonaparte replied furiously,**  
**"Sacrebleu T'as une tête a faire sauter les plaques d'egouts.**  
**I'm going to shove your moon boots straight up your poop shoot.**  
**I'll whip you so bad, they'll make a virgin meringue.**  
**You're the only type of dynamite that's never going to bang."**

**WHO WON!**

**WHO'S NEXT!**

**YOU DECIDE!**


	8. Gandalf Vs Dumbledore

_**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!**_

_**GANDALF!**_

_**VS**_

_**DUMBLEDORE!**_

_**BEGIN!**_

_**Gandalf said,  
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS  
I rap fast like Shadowfax  
Tom Riddle me this you *****  
how's you're little wand gonna beat my staff  
I leave mic's in flames  
torched by Gandalf  
touch mine Dumbledore and scorch you're other hand off  
you fool you got Snaped you're not a real fighter  
death makes you die it just makes my brights brighter!  
you're ass is like Gringotts everyone makes a deposit  
we all know you've more than a boggart in you're closet"**_

Dumbledore replied,  
"the prophecy forgot to mention this day  
when I knocked you're ass back to Gandalf the Gray,  
check you're status they call me headmaster you're nothing  
nice staff, you compensating for something?  
I prefer the company of wizards and im proud of it  
you try to win you're battles with two fat hobbits  
you think you're hairy toed friends are gonna harm me?  
wait'll they getta taste of Dumbledore's army!"

Gandalf said,  
"Do not take me for some conjuror of cheap tricks  
I do'nt give a fawkes about you're order of phoenix!  
I'll tie a new knot in you're beard  
with you're wrinkly balls  
for I am the one rapper,  
to rule them all!"

_******Dumbledore**_**replied,  
"You're**_** spells are a joke  
and not funny ones either  
mines of moria? HA! more like mind of mencia!  
I'll expecto my patronum on you're face you little snitch  
and when Im finished Imma flying like its quidditch."**_

_**WHO WON!**_

_**WHO'S NEXT!**_

_**YOU DECIDE!**_


	9. Big Update

**I'm going to put this story on hold for awhile but don't worry. I will post new chapters but I don't know when. Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!**


	10. Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader 2

**Hey. I'm back. It's time for another... RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! Season 2 time! It's a rematch between two people from the first rap battle.**

**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTOY!**

**Adolf Hitler!**

**Versus!**

**Adolf said, "Who are you?"**

**DARTH VADER!**

**BEGIN!**

**Darth Vader replied, "Someone who loathes you, b****  
Now stand up and rhyme  
I only thawed you out so I could beat your ss a second time  
Roar like Chewbacca, the voice of Mufasa  
I'm on the leader of your limp d***** Luftwaffe.  
I strike back hard against a Nazi  
Brain toss your *** in the air. Yahtzee!  
Ask Indiana Jones who the **** I am  
I spit sick **** so focused  
I break your concentration camp  
I'm a certified Sith Lord, you runt  
So suck on deez"**

**Storm trooper enters**

**Storm trooper said, "Deez what sir?"**

**Darth Vader replies, "Deez robot nuts!~  
I'm gonna enjoy watching you die so let me do it with my own eyes."**

**Adolf said, "You look stressed Vader you appear to be in pain, you need a vacation, here, take a trip on my train I mean you leading an army of white men? Disgraceful! Even your mic skills still aren't fully operational. Yout got one b^tch pregnant then gave it to the hate, now you're 6'6 and black but can't get a date. Lightsaber? You need a LIFE SAVER! Use some of your force to fix your f&cking respirator. You think you're powerful with your finger neck pinches? You couldn't even get your own son into the family business! Everything you do is an epic fail, now stand at attention and Sieg F&cking Heil! What's wrong Ani? Can't take anymore? Not surprising coming from the Emperor's whore. Ya yah – take that! What's a matter?**

**Where is the D.J.? Why are you laughing?"**

**Hawking enters**

**Steven replies, "Because you're standing over the rancor pit.**

**Hitler falls**

**WHO WON?**

**WHO'S NEXT?**

**YOU DECIDE!**

**Epic!**

**Season 2! **

**Rap Battles of History!**


	11. Double Rap! MC vs Leonidas and MB vs WB

**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYY!**

**MASTER CHIEF!**

**VS!**

**LLLLLEONIDAS!**

**BEGIN!**

**Leonidas said, "Spartans let's start this Show this petty officer who's the hardest! The biggest mistake that you've ever made. I'll toss you like a frag grenade I'll stomp you in the face. With my sandals enraged and tonight we shall Rhyme in the Shade. Your puny fans are fat nerds on computers Jerking off to games gives themselves First Person Shooters. Your armor's hard but my abs are harder. You're in my hood now chief. THIS IS SPARTA!"**

**Master Chief replies, "Not, so, fast.**  
**Cortana says you're Greek. So why don't you stick these lyrics up your ***?**  
**They built a monument to my sins,**  
**You're the soldier they need you to be**  
**Ain't no way that you can beat me**  
**Even my initials spell MC, while you and your companions were all camping in a canyon took a campaign to your house and showed your Queen my Plasma cannon**  
**They should've thrown your rhymes over the cliff because they're sickly**  
**You will not enjoy this**  
**But it will be over quickly."**

**Leonidas said, "Ha! I've had better battles with my 6-year old son,**  
**I don't need firepower when I'm rocking these Guns**  
**I'm King!**  
**You sleep in a freezer in outer space**  
**I'd look you in the eyes but your too much of a ***** to show your face!"**

**Master Chief replies, "You got a bad case of no shirt there Fabio Flintstone**  
**Your whole plan got messed up by a hunchback with down syndrome!**  
**300 ****** need a kicking**  
**Give more tea bags than Lipton**  
**So why don't you quit your **********  
**My trigger finger's itching."**

**WHO WON!**

**WHO'S NEXT!**

**YOU DECIDE!**

**EPIC RAP!**

**EPIC RAP!**

**EPIC RAP!**

**ECIP RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! SEASON 2!**

* * *

**Epic Rap Battles of Historyyy!**

**THE WRIGHT BROS!**

**VS!**

**THE MARIO BROS!**

**BEGIN!**

**Wright Bros said, "We're the Wright brothers and there can't be no other.**  
** We don't wanna cause trouble are you looking for your lover?**  
** Cause your princess is in our castle now.**  
** Yeah she's gone**  
** We stayed up all night playing Donkey Kong.**  
** Before us people only used to fly in balloons.**  
** You think we're scared of two idiots addicted to shrooms?**  
** You shoulda woulda coulda come to lose an extra life.**  
** So just dudda dudda dudda**  
** Back down in your pipe."**

**Mario Bros replied, "Itsa me Mario and Luigi motha********  
** Why don't you's get back in your biplane and make out with each other?**  
** Look at these two their lives must have been horrible.**  
** Two dorky dudes**  
** Named Wilbur and Orville**  
** You spent all your time on one machine?**  
** Sheesh**  
** If you wanted to fly you shoulda just eaten this leaf.**  
** You should eat something anyway**  
** Look at you so skinny!**  
** You might fly like a hawk**  
** But you fight like a kitty"**

**Wright Bros said, "We don't need to fight**  
** We're the fathers of flight**  
** Representing North Carolina**  
** aiiiiight!**  
** We'll be pressing all your buttons like we're the controller**  
** Conquer every level of your 2D scroller**  
** You talk a lot of trash but let me tell you something**  
** We're gonna beat you so fast**  
** It's like we're holding down the B button."**

**Mario Bros replied, "We're serving up an 8-bit fist**  
** Made to order.**  
** That'll knock you off the back of your own stupid quarters.**  
** Like POW**  
** How you like me now?**  
** Spit flames out our mouths like our name was Bowser.**  
** You'll get pummeled.**  
** You'll wish you never stumbled out your little wind tunnel.**  
** We've been dropping ba-bombs since we started this song.**  
** Sorry Wright Brothers this time you chose wrong."**

**WHO WON!**

**WHO'S NEXT! **

**YOU DECIDE!**

**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! SEASON 2!**


	12. Special Rap Battle 2

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

Naomi!

VS!

THE JOKER!

BEGIN!

Joker said, "Battling you. Your a joke."

Naomi replied, "Look at the one who's talking. Your the joke here because I beaten enemies more serious than you."

Joke said, "Time to kick this up. My raps are bad. Your a pad. I'll beat you like I did to Batman."

Naomi replied, "Hold up. Your raps are a joke. I'm going to enjoy to poke you. This is one battle you will surely lose because I have Batman on my side."

Joker said, "Give up. I won't do that. Here, this is for you."

Joker hands Naomi a present but it was a bomb and blew her up.

Naomi is behind him.

Naomi replied, "You can't win. I control time so just give up or be bitten."

Joker spoke, "Never! I'll stick something in you to change your mind. I'll just cut you to pieces instead. With my knife here, I'll surely do that."

Who Won!

Who's Next!

You Decide!

E-E-E-E-Epic Rap Battles Of History!


	13. Fawkes vs Joker

**Epic Rap Battles Of History!**

**Guy Fawkes!**

**vs **

**The Joker!**

**Begin...**

**Fawkes said, "En garde ! Here I come, ripping your head off with your face full of cum. Nothing to be scared of, you're just a pathetic depressed little clown. Who cannot remember how he drowned! I'm the symbol of liberty, your life's a buffoonery, mine's a destiny. I gathered an online army! I brought anarchy, you ended up in jail. Let's put a smile on that face that just got rap# $#!"**

**Joker replied, "And here we go, you little bastard. No one even remembers your name, now you're just a mask not even an idea. Every fifteen years old put it on for something lame. Man, seriously you're famous because you failed. It's like your whole life turned out to be a complete waste. This is what happens when a mad dog chases a f****** a*****e bent your burnt body, buddy and suck my b&%#$! Guy Fawkes ? He's gay, folks rapping with his small talks. He hides his face, don't wanna tease because of bad herpes in a way you may complete me. I never defeated Batman, you never ban%& Portman !"**

**Fawkes spoke, "Don't make me laugh you freaky emo queer. I'm the bad guy! I destroyed the government while you tried to make a bat cry, you think you're tough with your scars and your fancy make up. I'll beat you rough! I'm tough, no joke, you'd better give up. I'm violently, violating your vagina, voraciously and viciously, vanquishing the virulent vermin with a vendetta. I'm very sorry but i'm not kidding you'd better be crying !"**

**Joker stated, "Jeez, don't be a jerk, Jesus you're just jealous. I'm the genuine genius joking as a jeering Anonymous you freak wanna see a magic trick ? Here is your a%# and here is my d& #! Why so serious? While i'm raping your anus, feel the fear in your stomach well it's my pe& #, you little s&^t call yourself V for victim, get over here and let my knife have a deep talk with your rectum."**

**Who Won?**

**Who's Next?**

**You Decide!**

**Epic Rap *the sign gets sliced into two halves* Battles of History!**


	14. Haitus

Please review epic rap battles of history for me to see what you want to see to rap against each other. So please review!


	15. Poll Voting

Okay! I Have a poll up on my profile for the "Epic Rap Battles of history." Please vote so I can know to do It or not.


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